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CAR​-​TOONS!

by Doug Murphy + Paul Hamilton

/
1.
SHARKEY’S MACHINE Fuck you, Edith Piaf I got regrets by the score Like the time I dropped my drawers For that one jaw-dropping whore. She forgot to torch the evidence And didn’t delete the files Now her old man’s on my tail And he’s eating up the miles. Bitch is hitched to an ass-hat Psympleton Psycho Pseth So dense he makes his own gravity Says the capitol of France is F. She’s hotter than Satan’s butt-plug And dirty and obscene I came like Niagara In Sharkey’s machine. CHORUS #1: Sharkey’s machine, Sharkey’s machine Give me the car keys to Sharkey’s machine Between me and freedom is a cavernous ravine Give me hope and a bag of dope and Sharkey’s machine. Making something out of nothing A kiss ain’t just a kiss Must a lifetime of pain cost me One sinful night of bliss? Heavenly free love Comes at a hell of a price Maybe ‘Go fuck yourself’ Is practical advice. He’s got muscles on his muscles Has Psympleton Psycho Pseth He’s the meanest recidivist Who ever punched out breath. Get a sick note from my mama And tell it to the marines Get behind a wig In Sharkey’s machine. CHORUS #2: Sharkey’s machine, Sharkey’s machine Give me the car keys to Sharkey’s machine Lady Luck’s kicked me in the nuts and they’re wedged up my spleen But I’m singing soprano in Sharkey’s machine. Sharkey’s machine, Sharkey’s machine Give me the car keys to Sharkey’s machine Lady Luck kicked me in the nuts and they’re wedged up my spleen But I got cash in the bank, gas in the tank and Sharkey’s machine.
2.
Eli Skanko 02:28
ELI SKANKO Eli Skanko! Whose house is on fire? Whose children are all gone? Who grand parades the promenades With a pink pomeranian? Says a pig’s tail is twirly But for his foes it’s too late If they’re not singing in Hell they’re ringing the bell Of St. Peter’s gate. Who knows the combinations So there’s no safe safe in town? Who knows your fetish, turns your brain to lettuce Your red letter day to brown? Eli Skanko! Who will take your left leg And throw you down the stairs And twist your mind to think he’s kind As he’s chopping up your chairs? Who sees nothing in beauty Beauty in nothing, too? Ambiguity, for him, can only mean one thing A shoe is a shoe is a shoe. And with a crooked shilling Who lives in crooked style With sword-boots frightening, who kicks lightning With a crooked smile? Eli Skanko! Eli Skanko!
3.
PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT I’ve a wife, an ex-wife, A mistress and a brat SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT I’m down to the Tuscany villa The country pile and Chelsea flat SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT Pranged the yacht in the harbour While docking at Cap Ferrat SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT From Glastonbury to Glyndebourne One’s always where it’s at SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS YOU COSY, DOZY PRAT? I’M DOWN ON MY UPPERS CAN’T BUY A CUPPA, THAT’S A FACT SO WHIP OUT YOUR WALLET AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT I played squash with David Gilmour And he kindly signed my Strat SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT In the Royal Enclosure at Ascot The corgi got a pat SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT ARE YOU DEAF AS A POST OR BLIND AS A BAT? THERE’S A LITTLE GREEN-EYED IDOL BUT NO-ONE CARES FOR THAT FOR THE GOOD OF MY HEALTH, SHARE YOUR WEALTH AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT Sorry, I don’t carry cash Accept PayPal? Oh drat! SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT Could I have a receipt So I can claim it back on VAT? SHUT YOUR TRAP PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT ARE YOU DEAF AS A POST OR BLIND AS A BAT? THERE’S A LITTLE GREEN-EYED IDOL BUT NO-ONE CARES FOR THAT FOR THE GOOD OF MY HEALTH, SHARE YOUR WEALTH AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS YOU COSY, DOZY PRAT? I’M DOWN ON MY UPPERS CAN’T BUY A CUPPA, THAT’S A FACT SO WHIP OUT YOUR WALLET AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE HAT

about

Putting the 'fester' into 'festivities', this is our jolly Christmas proffering to blast as Mum cries over the cremated turkey in the kitchen, Dad snores his paper-hatted head off to the Queen's speech, a sherry-merry Nan shows off her winter bloomers and the kids bury their heads in their phones.

credits

released December 3, 2016

Doug Murphy: electric bass, acoustic and electric guitars, keyboards, mandolin, silver and strings arrangements (‘Money In The Hat’)
Paul Hamilton: vocals, percussion, BITS

Mostly recorded in Norway in April 2016 with Doug at the mixing desk. Final bits and bobs added here and there, where and when.

Mastered by Si Beex
Artwork drawn by Halal Mop Unit and coloured in by Dave Pope (age 54½)
All songs written and produced by Hamilton & Murphy

BYTE17
© Smoking Ant Records, 2016

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