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1. |
We're Back
04:56
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WE'RE BACK
WE'RE BACK! - reunited and reformed
WE'RE BACK! - unrepentant, unconformed
WE'RE BACK! - it's like we've never been away
WE'RE BACK! - playing the sounds of yesterday today!
WE'RE BACK!
Cue World Exclusive features
In every magazine
Forums discuss our lyrics
Trying to work out what they mean.
You're more than fans to us, you're family
And it's great seeing you all again
Waiting for nine hours in Hyde Park
In torrential wind and rain
'Cos WE'RE BACK! - reunited and reformed
WE'RE BACK! - taking nostalgia by storm
WE'RE BACK! - to shake our fists at The Man
WE'RE BACK! - don't forget to visit our merch stand
WE'RE BACK!
Photos scrutinised, 'shopped and vetted
Moody lighting, in long shot
'Cos worse than a baby born dead with AIDS
Is a pop star with a bald spot.
Our entourage this time round
Includes the wives and kids
No chance of a hotel roasting
We're being watched like invalids
Cos - WE'RE BACK!
We're gonna play our biggest album
In its entirety
Even the bassist's crap solo track
'Cos he needs the royalties
Film it to preserve the memory
Re-record the bum notes for the DVD
A world premiere on the BBC
Introduced by Paul Gambaccini
We're all right, Jack
Yeah, we're back!
Like you, the drummer's out of time
And the singer's voice is shot
But you've got to love us
Because we're all you've got.
Of COURSE this ain't a last chance rip-off
We're doing it all for you
So come and re-live the virginity you lost
In a club in '92.
Our back catalogue was an impassioned scream
The wild yell of rebel youth
Now it sounds like an old fart
Who has trouble chewing soup.
Old men spouting young men's words
It's surreal, hard to understand
I can't explain so fuck it
EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS!
'Cos - WE'RE BACK! - the critics all agree
WE'RE BACK! - five star reviews guaranteed
WE'RE BACK! - we're in this together, you and me
WE'RE BACK! - tied to rock mythology
WE'RE BACK!
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope.
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2. |
Half-Life
03:05
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HALF-LIFE
We make the effort to hook up
Occasionally
And we'd wander the cafes
And galleries
Make light of the shadows that we see
Splash in the puddles
And go Dutch on the teas
And we'd stroll
Through Soho
Though we know
There's nowhere to go
For us - together
For us - no, never
For us - no, never again
Of course, I'd never admit it
But, yes, I suppose I still love you
(There, you see, I just did it)
But in a different way than I used to
The crowds of couples kissing
In the bazaars
In theatres, restaurants,
Bus stops and bars
Perhaps they'll be lucky and float up to the stars
I hope they're lucky and not end up where we are
And we stare
In shop panes clear
You're right there
I'm wrong here
Look at us - together
Look at us - no, never
Look at us - no, never again
I'm too shy to convey it
But, yes, I suppose I love you
(I'd have to be drunk to say it)
But not as completely as I used to
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope
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3. |
You Can't Have It
02:19
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YOU CAN'T HAVE IT
I've given you a sign
A piece of my mind
But if there's any left behind
You can't have it
You admire it: "It's fine"
Its immaculate design
But it's not yours, it's mine
… You can't have it
You can't have it
It belongs to me
It's as plain as your nose up my arse
Can't you see?
I've told you before
A hundred times or more
Although it's something you adore
You can't have it
So let's get this straight
I won't negotiate
Take away your plate
You can't have it
You can't have what
Don't belong to you
Close the book, roll the credits
We're through
Composed by Dave Pope & Paul Hamilton.
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4. |
Everyone Likes This
02:46
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EVERYONE LIKES THIS
Bitch of betrayal, your squandered vote
Plagiarize the wise for your status quote
Advertise a device promising instant bliss
Everyone likes this
Repeat the latest joke, guaranteed greatest laughs
On your Blackberry in Macky D support veal calves
Heart the bleeding obvious, a hit, you'll never miss
Everyone likes this
This is your stage, so sing and dance in Lalaland
Be the early Beatles, not late Hancock or Garland
What goes online stays online, and there's no escaping
Your group hug feels like a gang-bang raping
Don't come here looking for sympathy
You'll only find it in a dictionary
In between shit and syphilis
Everyone's like this
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope
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5. |
Join The Queue
03:32
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JOIN THE QUEUE
Another bad attack of good memories
Wouldn't life be cool if you could make time freeze?
You were the One To Watch and great things'll happen
But all those dreams turned to crap an'
You're in a limbo where the plain fact is
We forgot you were the tape-breasting Billy Whizz
And here you are now, the non-runner Never Was
Why didn't you reach your potential, kid? "Well, because - "
Rigsby impressions no longer impress
Your punchlines require an archaeologist's guess
No-one here's heard of Will Hay, Hylda Baker or Rudolf Hess
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN DO
JOIN THE QUEUE
You were the nutter at school, the total crease
Bullies would be breathless, begging you to cease
Making love to a fresh-planted sapling
Had the Drama beak squeak, 'It's worthy of Chaplin'
Blank pages, bare stages, day dream ambitions
Days became decades of wasted wishing
Non-achievement, no bereavement, slate wiped clean
You didn't have it in you to be a has-been
Could've been a pop star 'cept you're fat and can't sing
Bad breath, tone deaf, can't pluck a string
And that one song you wrote was painfully self-pitying
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN DO
JOIN THE QUEUE
At the school reunion do for The Class Of Whenever
All the creeps you mocked turned out awfully clever
Kaye's Senior Editor of Channel 4 News
Sue's a style guru; Tim's big in orthopaedic shoes
Murray made a mint; that fat cat knew when to pounce
Jez takes a call concerning offshore accounts
One by one they turn on you with smiles sadistic:
'How droll! You're on the dole? Is one a statistic?'
It's not that everyone was better than you
It's just they were hungrier and they knew what to chew
Whilst you were climbing walls they were climbing ladders, paying dues
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NOTHING - NOTHING YOU CAN DO
JOIN THE QUEUE
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope.
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6. |
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IT'S TIME I WENT MAD AGAIN
Wheels go round except when they don't
A wicket keeper keeps a wicket
The meaning of life can never be found
Just like your winning lottery ticket
Leaves fall in autumn and grow again in spring
A kingdom generally has at least one king
But without love, life's a yawn
It's as uniform as a manicured lawn
I'm fed up chewing olden flakes of scorn
It's time I went mad again
Rain is wet and falls out of a thing
In the sky called a cloud
Noise can be heard by creatures who have working ears
And you'll always spot people in a crowd
Siamese twin eunuchs couldn't give two fucks
And stuff that sucks sucks
But without love, life's so orderly
I'm as bored with it as it's bored of me
Tranquillised by tranquility
It's time I went mad again
I want to count the letters
Let the bad times forget us
I want the straight lines broken and curving
I want to think with my heart
Put a full stop at the start
Of the life sentence I wish to be serving
Drunk drivers drive when they're drunk
Painters paint paintings with paint
Sunny days are hot and cold ones are not
What is is and what ain't ain't
Statues are made of heroes and dictators
Chips and crisps are made of potatoes
But without love, life's predictable
Like a goal scorer who has kicked a ball
Where is the wonderful?
It's time I went mad again
Composed by Dave Pope & Paul Hamilton.
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7. |
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WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PHILIP FORD?
Was he sighted in a Hong Kong bar
Arm-wrestling a one-eyed cripple?
Was that him in Piccadilly Circus in '91
Sucking Eros' nipple?
It's said he's over 30 stone
Addicted to Jelly Tots
Others maintain he's off the coast of Spain
Hiring out a fleet of yachts
LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE OLD SCOREBOARD
IN THE OUT HOUSE BY DERYCK GUYLER'S WASHBOARD
ANYONE HERE SEEN KING ARTHUR'S SWORD?
AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PHILIP FORD?
Could he be an eco-warrior
In the Amazon saving trees
Or a Berkeley Square car dealer
Handing over log book and keys?
Maybe he's a waiter at The Dorchester
Handy with menus and cruets
Or the owner of a village sweet shop
Dentures stained by cigs and Chew-Its
HAVE ALL THE DOUBLE DIAMONDS BEEN POURED?
WHEN DID ALL THE JEWELS IN THE CROWN BECOME FLAWED?
HOW MANY GOALS HAS BOBBY MOORE SCORED?
AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PHILIP FORD?
Is he a silk rober, calm and sober
Or completely out of his tree?
In a free state, does he contemplate
Whatever happened to me?
Maybe he couldn't handle it
Lost his job, wife, home and mind
Maybe he got ground down
By the daily grind
Maybe he's living rough on the streets
The once laughing eyes now hidden
I often think of Philip Ford
And I sometimes wish I didn't
WHEN DID THE LAST TRAIN GUARD SHOUT "ALL ABOARD"?
WHAT WAS THE LAST TARANTINO FILM YOU ENDURED?
WHO WAS THE LAST SEX SYMBOL YOU ADORED?
AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PHILIP FORD?
Composed by Dave Pope & Paul Hamilton.
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8. |
Next
04:02
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NEXT
Hello, Eve, you can't see me
But I've focussed you in my mind
I was your first and you were my first
And so we left the solo strumming days behind
Us on a duvet, in the nude, on hot summer afternoons
Was time and energy well spent
Then you picked up your knickers when the seat of learning called
And down the hall of empties you went
You said, you said,
'This isn't the end, we'll stay good friends
A weekend visit, an occasional text…'
NEXT!
Along came Jones, I jumped on your bones
I was there to fill the interim
When your fat husband worked away, we love rats would play
And you would never talk of him
Dropping social graces, we got off our clothes and faces
A frottage a deux on the QT
But when you suggested something out of the blue
You suddenly lost all of your beauty
You said, you said,
'He's bald and chubby, but my hubby
Fancies a threesome and he's highly sexed…'
NEXT!
Then there was Linds in the horn-rimmed bins
We were pub rubbish, always trashed
A few bottles of vino, getting obsceno
The Fort Cortino's dash was well splashed
Like Stan & Ollie or Kev & Lolly
We made an oddly perfect couple
Till you faced the saggy facts and cleaned up your act
Joined the gym to get fit and supple
You said, you said,
'I've taken up weights, kicked carbohydrates
Want to see my pecs when they're flexed?'
NEXT!
There was Beryl, and Meryl, and Sally, and Sam
There was Sharon, and Karen, and Pixie, and Pam
There was Doris (wife of Horace), there was Suki, and Reiko
There was Stacey, and Tracy, and Eric (big mistake)
And now there's just me and these memories
Of who I've had and what I've lost
There's not to live for or on now the money's gone
Up the wall, down the drain, casually tossed
In the old folks home where the old groaners moan
Until their kids take them off in a hearse
I daily wash and shave on the off-chance of a rave
With a comely buxom nurse
I say, I say,
'Wouldn't you rather have a spot of how's your father?'
And she looks at me perplexed…
NEXT!
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope.
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9. |
Gnomes Of Bromley
03:24
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THE GNOMES OF BROMLEY
Come in if you're coming, welcome to Duncarin
There's a committee meeting that I'm chairing
Concerning the council overspending
The residents are up in arms and feel penned in
By pillars of bureaucracy wrapped in red tape
We say it's high time to give decent folk a break
The bleeding hearts have bled us dry
Pack them off to Cuba and give someone else a try.
And it's with the greatest humility
I can't see for the life of me why it can't be me
I was on many a board of directors
Till Labour got in and thoroughly wrecked us
It's time to elbow the spongers and boot out the failures
Hang on, has someone been at my azaleas?
If you want peace then you've got to fight
And the ladder to success always leans to the right.
If all the bloody Reds
Come out from under the beds
They won't stop me
No, they can't stop me;
They won't take my privet hedge
Cos the first line of defence
Is The Gnomes Of Bromley
The Gnomes Of Bromley!
The Gnomes Of Bromley are in the gardens of England
Guarding the greenhouse and pond
They got where they are by sheer hard work
Not from some fairy waving a wand.
Come in, wipe your feet, that's what the mat's for
Honestly, what do we pay our tax for?
I've seen how easily these Europeans swarm in
But in this neck of the woods there'll be no housewarming
Civility and good manners will take an early bath
If any blighter dares to venture up my gravel path
Eating our swans, selling bootleg porn?
Sorry, old fruit, it's hosepipes at dawn.
If these freeloading Communists
Have got me on their list
They won't stop me
No, they won't top me;
They haven't reckoned
On my secret weapon
It's The Gnomes Of Bromley
The Gnomes Of Bromley!
Composed by Paul Hamilton & Dave Pope.
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10. |
Going Slowhere
02:55
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GOING SLOWHERE
Sofa over an airplane
Jaguar in the hall
Chicken in the oven
Ducks on the wall
A feather duster, tickle under there
Round and round the garden, going slowhere
Whistles in the wardrobe
Trainers on the mat
Football on the radio
In your mitt, a cup of gnat's
If you want some, the pot's over there
Going cold, going slowhere
Brontosaurus in the bathroom
Zombie on the bed
Jesus on the fridge door
With a monkey on his head
Who came first? God, who really cares?
Unbelievable, going slowhere
The Tilburys are hung up
St. Michael's on the line
A bottle of clarity's disappeared
And everything looks fine
Retired and emotional, here come the stairs
Head for Bedfordshire, going slowhere
Composed by Dave Pope & Paul Hamilton.
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11. |
Godot Woz Ere
04:00
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GODOT WOZ 'ERE
This is where your dad grew up
And here's where he met your mum
And this is where grandad's car blew up
After street fighting fascist scum
And here's the hall where your dad would sing
And here's the stand where he'd shout
This is where he was taken in
And this is where he sold out
The backbone of Britain? Don't give me that
We're machine cogs oiled by beer
This land wasn't marked by Christ's sandal prints
But Godot was here
This is where your dad would meet
His mates on Saturday afternoons
And here's where they would talk and eat
And here's where they'd play their tunes
The jukebox was their soundtrack
To their babbling stream of schemes
Any of those songs would take your dad back
To when the future was a dream
England's glory? Do me a favour, son
There's nothing here to salute or cheer
The lie this land was built on has long gone
But Godot was here
This is where your mum and dad were wed
And where your nan was laid to rest
And this is where they earned their stale bread
And learnt the milk of kindness curdled in the breast
This is where your dad was betrayed
And red went to white then to blue
This is the place your dad tried to escape
And you must leave it too
The commonwealth? Don't make me laugh
They deal in ignorance, contempt and fear
Even Satan drove straight on through
But Godot was here
Composed by Dave Pope & Paul Hamilton.
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