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TATTOO REMOVAL SERVICE (Radio Jingle, C90 Cassette)
Your favourite football team failing to score?
Your pop star pin-up a convicted child molester?
Your ex-sweetheart leaving a foul taste?
Call the Tattoo Removal Service today!
“Call the Tattoo Removal Service
When you don’t wish to be reminded
Give us a call, and what it is, we’ll find it
And of that ugly vision you’ll be blinded.
We’ll turn it into a blank canvas;
Call the Tattoo Removal Service.”
Terms and conditions apply.
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2. |
TATTOO REMOVAL SERVICE
04:12
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TATTOO REMOVAL SERVICE
Gwyneth, I think of you but, admittedly, not often
And over time my ardour has softened
And with memories edited carefully
I’ll make a laugh riot from our non-event of the century.
Cut free from the vine, afternooning in my bedroom
I was an idiot, yes, but an idiot for you;
My fingers twirling your curling rusty hair, I was smitten
For you I’d paint my bollocks blue and hop nude to Thames Ditton.
But beyond exploratory kisses and tentative caresses
We never divested ourselves of trousers and dresses
Drinking in your red acne, black eyeliner, chapped lips
Hungry for what lay midpoint ’neath your hips.
I was hampered by a weird fear, cripplingly shy
And tongue-tied as you rhapsodised about some other guy
Dying inside, your joy for that boy had me furious
And yet I did nothing, said less, and of me you were incurious.
Fast forward a few Whitsuns and up the aisle you trudged
Hitching to a slug who turned your dream palace into sludge
You deserved better than a life of monotony
You were a sweetheart, Gwyn, even though it didn’t beat for me.
But why am I pinning the blame on him and letting you scot free?
We never were an item - ’cept in my dreams - so he never stole you from me
No black-tashed villain, he was just your average normal bloke
Perhaps fat cocks and throbbing wallets were enough to make you soak.
Or maybe it was cosmic boredom or existential crisis
That Hyde and Jekyll’d you from vodka bingeing to yoga and dance classes
Whiteflagging to white rum, red wine and blue moods
Swinging with a sucker around your mortgaged mortuary living room.
No, Gwyn, I’m not face down scoffing from a nosebag of regret
I’ve smoked down and stubbed out carnal desire’s cigarette
And if we met again would I feel any pain
If you crinkled your brow and asked me my name?
And in your diary discover that I was at most a margin jotting
A footnote, a sideline, a doodle, a poodle, a smudged ink blotting?
Did you find the best way to survive was by getting numb and dumber
In your purse is there a card with the Tattoo Removal Service’s number?
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3. |
REAL GOT SHIT
04:52
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REAL GOT SHIT
I was wounding the licks
I was soaring at the pix
Wifing on my cheat
I was kidding my beat
I was calling a make
I was noting the takes
I was crowding the sauce
I was whining out the poor
Then real got shit
A death worse than fate
Real got shit
It’s the art of the State
Real got shit
The sun spins around the globe
Real got shit
I didn’t know I didn’t know
I was timing my waste
I was gaming the play
Had a mourning in the walk
I was sleeping in my talk
I was fooling the act
Jobbed from my sack
I was sowing what I reap
I was debting deep
Real got shit
A death worse than fate
Real got shit
It’s the art of the State
Real got shit
The sun spins around the globe
Real got shit
I didn’t know I didn’t know
I was having the life of my time
Then real got shit
I was having the life of my time
Then real got shit
I was having the life of my time
Then real got shit
I was having the life of my time
Then real got shit
Real got shit
A death worse than fate
Real got shit
It’s the art of the State
Real got shit
The sun spins around the globe
Real got shit
I didn’t know I didn’t know
When the shoe is on the other hand
Don’t tell me nothing I don’t understand
Real got shit
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4. |
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TATTOO REMOVAL SERVICE (TV Advert, VHS Tape)
What was once normal is now twice strange
Fresh fruit will perish and stink
Times and minds are subject to change
Break the chains of yesteryear’s ink.
Call the Tattoo Removal Service
What you once thought beautiful is now mutilated
The Tattoo Removal Service
In your face the bomb of time has detonated
Tattoo Removal Service
Your body temple needs to be redecorated
The Tattoo Removal Service
Cast off the past and be liberated
Now.
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