Get all 39 smokingantrecords releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of SULTAN, WE ARE OPEN, Do It Myself, Bill's Brill Grill, Bank Of Mum And Dad, RULE OF THREE, I Can Count Up To Potato, Breakfast Of Champions, and 31 more.
1. |
What Happened
04:00
|
|||
WHAT HAPPENED?
THE MANAGER:
Who was it who praised you to the skies
When you were barely mediocre?
Who was it who left you with the right guys
The dealers and the smokers?
Who stayed up for three nights running
Setting up your website and MySpace page?
Who was it who fed you quotes so stunning
Stephen Fry fell off the stage?
Well, I'll give you three guesses if you can't remember
But you're living it up in your private club and I'm not a member
What happened to the friend I had?
What happened? What happened?
Who was it who got you on the A-list
Rubbing shoulders with Noel at the bar?
Who ensured the paparazzi never missed
You stepping out a car?
Who was it who paid for your Hoxton flat
And your studio space?
Who was it who cleaned up your act
And airbrushed your face?
Well, your P.A. says you can't see me now, you're so frightfully busy
And she's got to go - 'Jarvis is on the line' - and I wonder, 'Is he?'
What happened to the friend I had?
What happened? What happened?
THE ARTIST:
Yes, I know who plucked me from obscurity
And exposed me on the front pages
Who made me an object of curiosity
Where everything I say and do is 'Outrageous!'
Who made it impossible for me to step outdoors
Without strangers being cruel and hateful
Shouting 'We hate you' and 'Filthy whore'
I'm sorry - do I sound ungrateful?
Well, I could tell you all about my new life in Hell
But you'd only call the papers with an exclusive to sell
What happened to the friend I had?
What happened? What happened?
|
||||
2. |
The Last Post
02:55
|
|||
THE LAST POST
When I land and unwind I'll write her a postcard
Over a black coffee and a Gauloise
Maybe a saucy cartoon - a busty nudist and a coastguard
Or a scenic one - a church or a bar
But what can I write after what we've been through?
The coffee chills as I chew my pen
'Having a great time' is spiteful and patently untrue
I'm here and now, not there and then
It's time to draw a line through what left us so scarred
And leave point-scoring P.S.'s unread
I pay my bill and leave, tearing up the tacky postcard
With the inscription 'Wish you were dead'
Au revoir, ciao, sayonara,
Auf wiedersehen, adios, goodbye
|
||||
3. |
Next Door Neighbours
02:32
|
|||
NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS
Hello everybody, I'm just the same as you
We share the same opinions and we always state our view
We all have beerguts
And the same haircuts
We're the next door neighbours
We're the next door neighbours
We rely on supervision to light our dim life now
Don't break from the pack 'cos no-one taught us how
We always watch the quiz shows
And our mums go to Bingo
We're the next door neighbours
We're the next door neighbours
There's no news like bad news and we all love to complain
In August we get two weeks off and we all troop off to Spain
Lived side by side for centuries
We see each other in documentaries
We're the next door neighbours
We're the next door neighbours
|
||||
4. |
The List Of Mr Pfister
01:57
|
|||
THE LIST OF MR. PFISTER
The list of Mr Pfister
Makes no mention of his sister
Just some ointment for his blister
And "Have the go-go girls come?
Choreograph the stage fights
And don't bring up the house lights
Get a hammer for the termites
And will someone do their sums?
We need to settle these invoices
Don't defrost the choc-ices
Ensure the wigs go back to Joyce's
And Ted's not too drunk to drive.
Put some fresh soap in the basins
Replace the defacings
Get Ted to collect the Masons
And have the go-go girls arrived?"
"If the host must die, die smiling
And have the workmen finished tiling?
Has Maureen finished filing?
Is she petrified of hard graft?
Pay off that smart arse comic
He were bloody chronic
Was it an act or naturally moronic
Die? I nearly laughed!
And put the Siamese twins on half wages
And the tigers in their cages
It was bloody outrageous
To let them out in the interval."
The list of Mr Pfister
Made no mention of his sister
But re: the go-go girls was most insistent
When they're here to call.
|
||||
5. |
Bland Foundation
02:37
|
|||
BLAND FOUNDATION
I am Locus Operative 4CB
Personnel correlator level 2/3
Tooth-tapping pen-chewing countdown to pension
Handsome pay-off from The Bland Foundation
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Turning sloppy seconds into uniform years
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Direct inject blancmange in your ears
The Impersonal Adipose Tissue Net Effect
Propose International Health then go and get wrecked
The fizzy cool jerks, mental masturbation
There lies the rub with The Bland Foundation
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Bang the dole drums soft and scary
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Making life extra-ordinary
We're fascinated by your every opinion
Fill in these forms, collected by a minion
Under-managers Friday drink with tidy Jeff
Pray you're not replaced by a Slavetron VAF
BY THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Nigel Havers supplies website narration
THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Thank God you're not Malaysian
Looking for danger, security, car, prospects,
Loud tie, quiet life, dead wife, office sex
Perfect company, the right occasion
Perfect fitting golden handcuffs - The Bland Foundation
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
Use the news, lose the old
THIS IS THE BLAND FOUNDATION, THE BLAND FOUNDATION
All that glitters turns to mould
|
||||
6. |
Tender
03:45
|
|||
TENDER
I am the Christ of jubilation
I am the church of perspiration
I am the robber of copulation
I am the Marx of commiseration
I am the engine of cognition
I am the fire of hibernation
I am the wine of anticipation
I am the smack of sophistication
I am the bend of justification
I am the dust of introspection
I am hurting
I am feeling
I am tender to this dimension
You are the air of invention
You are the sum of intention
You are the peak of exhilaration
You are the whip of inflation
You are the sunlight of elation
You are the drink of destination
You are the tick of intoxication
You are the floor of fornication
You are the food of intuition
You are the juices of fruition
You are being
You are meaning
You are tender to this dimension
|
||||
7. |
Mercenary
03:12
|
|||
8. |
||||
9. |
Starecase
03:58
|
|||
STARECASE
Look at me - I'm alone again - The half full glass - Is now half empty
Look at me - I've got older - I've got the lines - I'm no wiser
Save me, save me, from myself
Look at me - I still make those mistakes - I still hurt inside - From the mess that it makes
Look at me - I'm still a child - I'm running away - From the voices inside my head
Why don't you
Save me, save me, from myself
|
||||
10. |
this is
03:46
|
|||
11. |
Black Box Recorder
02:35
|
|||
BLACK BOX RECORDER
No good praying to your designer gods
I'm stacked up against the elements and odds
What used to be safe and warm
Is now smashed to bits by this electric storm
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Teacher's screaming at the top of her lungs
Preacher's on his knees, babbling in tongues
Neither can decide
To go into the quicksand or go out with the tide
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
The ship's going down with all hands
We sailed off the world's edge and no-one understands
The centre cannot hold
The foundations snap, buckle and fold
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
There's a flood of tears pouring down the stairs
Fire dances on the tables and chairs
There's a tornado tearing through our home
Destroying everything that we own
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
Get the black box recorder
|
||||
12. |
Someone Else's Wife
02:58
|
|||
SOMEONE ELSE'S WIFE
You know, it's the ones
Who faced the big guns
Who are most wary to talk of war;
And hear me, Lord above,
The same applies to love
So you see why I can't say much more.
Hair flecked with confetti,
You and him, and I bet he
Relished being the envy of the reception;
And I was the best man
And you know I still am
Though my speech was a triumph of deception.
Wrong place wrong time, too little too late,
Is this the story of my life
Where I'm always someone else's husband
And you're someone else's wife?
When I sigh
And get gazey-eyed
At the kitchen sink doing the dishes
She doesn't know
(Or, at least, I hope so)
What my aching wish is.
In lieu of sex
I send you texts
Short and sweet and cryptic;
And instead of dirt
I'm scrubbing from my shirt
I wish it was your lipstick.
Wrong place wrong time, too little too late,
Is this the story of my life
Where I'm always someone else's husband
And you're someone else's wife?
We've hard-learned
Everybody gets burned
And we could've been the perfect match;
If we could break these chains
I'd be kissing your veins
And you can rub my paunch or bald patch.
Can we ever be
Together and free
Not have to listen for a key in the door
Or could this feeling so strong
Transpire to be wrong
And we're left with nothing at all to say in the morn?
I'll never know, it's the end of the show
Of the story of my life
I'm always someone else's husband
You're always someone else's wife
|
||||
13. |
Beyond
02:53
|
|||
BEYOND
Beyond the mind that held the thought beyond the skull that holds the brain beyond the eyes that shape the face and shape the world for mind to see beyond this room and all it holds beyond you there you read you drink beyond open nightgown invite me in again ha ha oh yes beyond daylight flooding indoors rooftops rain wet the cloud rolls by beyond the planes silent and small their trails like lace that tie the world within our reach but still so long beyond the sky the moon the sun beyond the edge and end of all beyond this time there is nothing
Oh, there is nothing
Oh, there is nothing
Oh, there is nothing
Oh, there is nothing at all
nothing there is this time beyond of all and end the edge beyond the sun the moon the sky beyond so long but still our reach within the world that tie like lace their trails and small silent the planes beyond rolls by the cloud rain wet rooftops indoors flooding daylight beyond oh yes ha ha again me in invite nightgown open beyond you drink you read you there beyond it holds and all this room beyond to see for mind the world and shape the face that shape the eyes beyond the brain that holds the skull beyond the thought that held the mind beyond
|
||||
14. |
The Smiles
04:11
|
|||
THE SMILES
Making a secret wish
Blowing dandelion clocks.
Smoke my first cigarette
Hidden in my sandwich box.
Our blanket is my duffel coat
Later we'll sail paper boats
Ten to one, mine won't float
I've got clumsy fingers
And my hayfever lingers.
It was you
Who
Put
The smiles on me
This flower beneath your chin
Will tell if you like butter.
When you ease me your lazy grin
I lose my schoolboy stutter.
Laying watching clouds drift by
Our hands will shade our eyes.
We sit up at a sound nearby
It's the butterfly collectors
They'll not disturb or affect us
It was you
Who
Put
The smiles on me
A spin on the roundabout
Then a go on the see-saw.
The sun sinks behind the factory
Our mums are calling us indoors.
Summer scrams like a gang of thieves
I'll watch the bonfire of dead autumn leaves
I'll look at lovehearts on the trees.
If I don't see you December
I'll always remember
It was you
Who
Put
The smiles on me
|
Streaming and Download help
smokingantrecords recommends:
If you like Play For Today, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp