"Grasshopper" (2006)

by Reticents



Recorded in one day in April 2006 (apart from tracks 3,7 and 8 which were re-recorded a fortnight later in one evening session), this was Reticents' debut album. Due to the difficulty in constructing its origami cover (we gave up after folding 30 of them), it never gained an official release and has lain in the family vaults until now.

We have resisted the temptation to tinker, tamper and turd-polish. This is how it was and this is how it is. Take it or leave it. Or take it somewhere else and leave it.

Video for 'Moon Rising Over London' here: vimeo.com/176806593


released August 1, 2016

A.A. Thomson - guitar, croakals (1, 5, 7, 8), triangle on ‘V’.
D.R. Toynton - bass, ukulele (6), guitar (2).
P.D. Hamilton - percussion, jokels (2-6, 9).

Compositions and recordings are copyright-controlled by Smoking Ant Records Ltd. for the benefit of the writers and performers.

Backing vocals on ‘I Protest’ by The Perry Hillbillies (Gemma Gayner, ROBBO! Hamilton, Rachael Field, Becky, Chloe, Reticents).

Sleeve design: Rachael Field. Photography: D.R. Toynton.

Recorded and mixed by Malcolm Gayner at Orange & Blue Studios, Perry Hill, London SE6 in April 2006.
Mastered by A.A. Thomson.
Produced by Malcolm Gayner.
Associate Producers: P.D. Hamilton, A.A. Thomson.
Executive Producer: ROBBO!



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Track Name: "Happy Birthday To You"
happy birthday to you
(lyrics: p.d. hamilton, 2006)

standing on the courtroom step
will someone please give me a cigarette?
i gave them up for the kids and her
now i need to see something else get burned
and go up in smoke, then left flat by a soulless boot
... happy birthday to you.

standing in my least worst clothes
seeing her take the house tied up in bows
happy never after for this black-hearted baddie
here comes prince charming, my girls' new daddy
handsome and dashing, driving to their rescue
... happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you
every day's a happy birthday to you
enjoy the present, return the past
happy birthday... i hope it's your last.

in his car on the forecourt
i can see you shuddering
but you got what you wanted
i've lost all i had
surely it's me who should be blubbering
and suffering?
come on, admit it
that you loved me once
when we were daft
and we laughed
before we turned into cunts.
the realisation's smacked me in the head;
the girl i would have died for - has left me for dead.

i've got to pay you to clothe and feed
children you won't let me see
it sticks in my throat to mention
you're taking half my pension
i gave you my youth - now you've taken my future too
... happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you
every day's a happy birthday to you
enjoy the present, return the past
happy birthday... i hope it's your last
Track Name: This Town Is Nowhere
this town is nowhere
(lyric: p.d. hamilton, 2006)

this town is nowhere
twinned with nowhere else
nobody bothers about the shops
there's nothing on the shelves
nothing on the horizon
nothing can we find
nothing lasts forever
nothing on my mind

there's nowhere to go to
nobody goes out
in the oven, nothing cooking
in the fridge - nowt
nothing going on and on
and on and on all day
nothing can stop it
no-one will, anyway

nothing ever happens
nothing's ever resolved
no-one did nothing, officer
no-one was involved
there's always nothing to celebrate
nothing near the knuckle
a never-ending nothingness
that means absolutely fuck-all
Track Name: V.
(lyric: p.d. hamilton, 2006)

you say we were made for each other
but that's not entirely true
no-one else in the world wants us
it's them v. me and you

births, weddings, funerals
it's all written in the cards
this is the town where the boys are easy
and all the girls are hard

i'm not even sure i know you at all
your wide-eyed innocence
could be a convenient smokescreen
for shut-mind ignorance


the king of the bores in the flat downstairs
listens for the squeak of bedsprings
a drum roll of boots clatter up the stairs
and the bloody doorbell rings


i've no hidden past or guilty secrets
there are no beans to spill
no poetry ever comes to me
while i'm chained to the check-out till

keep us supplied with burgers and fries
beer and cigarettes
we'll roar away with saint george for the day
this is as good as it gets
this is as good as it gets
this is as good as it gets
Track Name: Banjo Strummer
banjo strummer
(lyric: p.d. hamilton, 2006)

i'm wastepaper
and you're the basket
i'm the question
and only you can ask it
i'm the coffee
and you're the cup
i'm the two-three-four
and you're the hup!

i'm the bus
and you're the station
i'm the anthem
and you're the nation
i'm the horn section
and you're the flutes
i'm the copper's feet
and you're the size 20 boots

i'm the patient
and you're the doc
i'm the tick
and you're the tock
in the sky
there's nothing above you
i'm three little words
that say i love you
Track Name: Bulletproof
(lyric: a.a. thomson, 2006)

the latest of the cheating lie creators
sent from hell to irritate us
the thief of goodwill
heartless, got no blood to spill
self-obsessed, so aloof
he knows he's bulletproof

ohhhhhhhh, he's bulletproof
the son of a gun is bulletproof

spoiling on the hoof
everybody knows the truth
they'd put marksmen on the roof
there's no point, he's bulletproof


ahhhhhhhh-ahhh, he's bulletproof
that son of a gun is bulletproof

Track Name: The Blue Lagoon
the blue lagoon
(lyric: a.a. thomson, p.d. hamilton, 2006)

gentlemen, ladies, please take note
the time has come to push out that boat
you get that lump stuck in your throat

he's gonna ride into town on a golden cart
with a halo flashing in time to your heart
chuckle to himself as you melt and swoon
futile resisting, you're face down in the blue lagoon

'onward and upward!' comes the shout
not enough heart and a bundle of doubt
the impressionist's time has just run out

cool it, cat, there's a job to be done
don't wanna slow down when you're on the run
check your shoulder, the past comes soon
it's going tits up, you're face down in the blue lagoon

everyone's walking the other way
no-one's listening to a word they say
progress becomes just a form of decay

you ain't in gaol or some fairy tale
it takes serious effort to continually fail
getting straight or playing the buffoon
doesn't matter much when you're face down in the blue lagoon

the blinkered bigot's bored with his job
tabloided up, he knows when to sob
first opportunity, he's leading the lynch mob

buried his brains with his head in the sand
gave it all up with a flick of the wristband
tried to sell his soul to the man in the moon
it's a buyer's market way down in the blue lagoon

you got me standing to attention, jumping through hoops
mind is circling in a tape loop
and my right hand jerks to the gun's salute

i caged a pretty bird and clipped her wings
i click my fingers - she sings
drinking to her captive tune
and i never have to think of the blue lagoon